Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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