Dual....:-)
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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