you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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