Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
