There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You're like the curious george of whores
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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