I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
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I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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