Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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