So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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