I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
