Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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