Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
