she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
