He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
