Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
