1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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