3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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