She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
