My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
