Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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