I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
