Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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