I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
how drunk are you?
Several
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
