I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
