just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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