I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
