I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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