Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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