A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
is that a dick in a sweater?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
