just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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