I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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