out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
