no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
