gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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