Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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