All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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