So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wish I only lived at night.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
