I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize