just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
