It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
