My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Randomize
