Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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