Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
