you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My vagina just clenched in fear
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