Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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