Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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