Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
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Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
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No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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