I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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