The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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