Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize