I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
