Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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