Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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