just tell him i said nine months
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
