take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
