I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
