Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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