you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
