I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
