I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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