Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
