I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
