Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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