i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
