its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
