Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
