And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
