Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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