I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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