I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
