you traded sex for a burrito?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
