I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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