oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
