At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
