i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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